love nothing

"The one where ur hair is all on one side and your pretty collarbone shows, but its so sad because it looks like your eyes are watering even tho i cant see your eyes behind all the eyeliner."
I was always striving for perfection,just for you.You just had to fuck things up, and make me hate you, you're guts and eveything in between. I still do. And this christmas, when I see you, I'm going to scribble the fuck out of your face like a pretty picture.
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
-mary frye

Holding on ,like its all I have.

Currently ; Stitches by The Dykeenies.
At three in the morning ,I find myself wide awake and waiting.Sometimes i think it's easier to lie in a bath, giving up, feeling the weight of the water on my stomach and trying to gauge how long it will be before i get cold and tired and unwilling.

If I cannot fly, let me sing.

Currently ; Wish you were here by Rasputina
Finally, I got to catch a movie with Kuang Lee earlier just now.I've rain checked with him too many times already, I had my reasons.2012, was sold out unfortunately.So we had to catch Jim Carrey's Christmas Carol. I can't appreciate Disney Films unless their the classic ones, so the movie was just mediocre for me.Kuang Lee was sweet tho! And it wasnt surprising that our conversations were pretty awkward. He was just too shy ,it was funny tho. I'll definitely miss him when he leaves for Perth ,Australia. That lucky,lucky boy. I don't fancy Perth,Melbourne or anywhere in Australia for that matter,but Malaysia so shit, anywhere else is better.

Sigh, Post-Pmr/November is dying too quickly, and I havent done anything worth remembering.I was thinking, I should save up some cash. Enough for me to take refuge and hide away ,possibly at Singapore the day my results come out.That way I'll spare my mom , who is prone to a heart attack the second she looks at the result slip and I'll spare myself from her endless screaming. Why not?

Your face is light and cocaine white

He had a word, too. Love, he called it. But I had been used to words for a long time. I knew that that word was like the others ; just a shape to fill a lack
-Faulkner

It feels absofuckinlutely great when my friends tend to bail on me everytime I feel like the world's shitting on my face, really :)

Its just so, unimaginably wonderful

just something in the box of 'lost and found'

Due to the lack of response from my busy busy friends who never seem to pick up their phonecalls, I've decided to go spend a weekend in Bangkok, visit my dad alittle. I suppose its better than sitting around with nothing to do and no one to see. Maybe I'll fly over there early December.
Actually, i shouldnt put this on my friends. They've just got much better things to do,like work,golf,basketball, scouts and everything their good at.I'm just completely incompetent,its no surprise soon or later I'd get left behind with no skills and no talent. Sure dad,sure i'm 'creative'.Thats not going to get me anything or anywhere. I can't draw,or paint, or write.Where is the 'creative' in that? Sorry, I should smile more.

I haven't eaten the whole day, maybe thats something i should smile about.

Its not the length but depth of life

Currently;She's got you high by Mumm Ra
I like shopping alone. I like gallavanting , and loitering around the mall alone without having anyone breathing down my neck as I check the sales. Not all the time ,but on occasions i'd like if it were just me ,myself and my wallet.How is that pathetic at all? Jeez

if you can't self-perfect, you must self-destruct.

Currently; Ash tray heart by Placebo

Okay so,
today I've had enough cookies,cake,icecream,sandwiches,granola bars,gummy bears, and pancakes to last me a lifetime. Maybe even two.They were sitting in the fridge so fresh ,lonely and untouched. You're just somehow entitled to eat disgustingly once u have to stay home the entire day.

I didn't even bother to leave my room much. I just sat,ate and sleep. It was pretty much as boring as breathing.Yesterday wasnt as boring tho' maybe just slightly, SLIGHTLY more productive in comparison . I left the house, to go get some new clothes. I need new clothes, not want, need. I've fallen beyond ' outfit repeater' . If I was given a dollar for each time I've worn this shirt, I'd own Bill Gates.
Okay,maybe thats slightly over doing it,but you catch my drift. I ended up Not getting anything, i just didn't have the heart to spend my good earned paper on clothes just yet.Instead ,I ended up talking to Ashmen for abit before heading off to dinner @ Simply Penang,where Jen works. That boy is too free for his own good. Well,time to fall asleep to the sameness of tomorrow,joy.

Don't take it too bad, it's nothing you did. Just once something dies, you can't make it live.

Currently; Take it easy by Bright Eyes
I've been writing hurriedly, half a page nothings.
I envy those who have grand stories and events.I just walk and think.

Im a restless thing,thrown about.

Currently Listening; Think Twice by Eve 6
I'm currently @ work now. Such a slow day today,its sad really.Plus,I just got my period after not getting it for months now,so I'm having these killer period cramps. And I ran out of those pink painkiller pills everyone takes for pain, complete bummer.
I noticed non of my blog posts make any sense. They barely make any sense to those who know me personally,so i'm sure everyone else can't comprehend anything I write on here.So since I have all this free time on my hands, why not I write something that prolly would make some sense and try to revive my dusty dead blog.Hmm How about I start with me losing my first kiss last week? Exciting no? Im sure all of you would love to give a shit and read :)

Yes,yes up until last week these lips of mine had never touched anything else besides food,and maybe a few dirty ciggarettes.It may or may not be a shock to you or whoever reading because I know for a fact there are alot of you brainless fuckers who assume I'm the type to lose everything too quickly. But you don't know shit, so u can go shove it. Its not that I never had the chance to suck face or anything , its more of never finding anyone worth kissing yet.Anyways,yeah i regret kissing ashmen.I regret for both of us. I didn't kiss him because I wanted to, i felt like I had to. Being his friend, i didnt want to dissapoint him.I never really liked him that much,in THAT way or intended to get into anything with him I just didn't want to lose his company. I guess, thats what being alone for most of the time does to you. You lose yourself in all that extra space.I'm trying to end things, its not right for me OR for him. But selfishly, i keep pulling him back.I just need alittle extra time.

Do epic shit

Back at last, and fatter than ever.Yes, I left for Pangkor Island on Sunday and just got back not too long ago. I wasn't actually on Pangkor Island, more like on an island next to it. The whole place was brilliant!There really was nothing to complain about besides the heat and the motherfucking mosquito's which wouldnt leave me the hell alone .There wasnt much to do tho' besides enjoying food 24/7 ,swimming and the beach. As much as it was all too perfect, i wasnt quite into it. Not sure why,but I blame my shitty attitude and bipolarity . I came home happy tho' because Julian's late letters were sitting on my desk waiting for me with a tub of Mint Chocolate Chip icecream from Baskin Robbins that my mom had gotten me a few days back,yummy yummy.
I really need to see my best friends, victoria,yee vonne and such , they've all forgotten me! but I've gotta work tomorrow. Gotta earn that paperrr.Soon hopefully , i'd get to see em.Well, I'm off to do some eating and some letter writing,night.
Edit/
Seriously, what the fuck is the hype about the Twilight Sequel. You people drive me nuts with that shit. Its awesome i know. '' LIKE OH MY GAWD ,BYN DIDJA SEE TAYLOR LAUNTNER. DID SEEE TAYLOR BYN? SO H.O.T'' Motherfuck Taylor and New moon . All this 'Team Jacob' and 'Team Edward' shit is completely degrading the show to a level such that its so overrated and annoying now.

Witching Hour

It is much of a shocker that I'm staying home tonight and that our plans never work out? I was the only one that gave a flying fuck,and home alone I'll be.

Have a great halloween .
I hope all of you suffocate to death @ the concert.

I've been having a pretty fucked up week all in all. I can't even find the words to describe how fucked up it was,when I do tho' I'll let you guys know.
But I'm glad I will be seeing my best friends tomorrow night, cant fucking wait .

I feel god awful
What else is there to say?

I will kiss you a soft goodnight

Currently;Use somebody by KOL
I start work tomorrow! @ this clothing store in Hartamas above finnigans pub( hint, come buy the clothes COMMISION :D) I wasnt nervous before, but I am now.But 7 bucks an hour is just too good to pass on. I really don't want to fuck things up, tho i most prolly will considering I will me mending the cashier, the clothes, the customers and the one who will look for stocks.I'd prolly take awhile in looking for sizes hence pissing the customer off. Hopefully,not.
Havent done anything worth blogging about in the past few days really.Been so bored I even made a Twitter when I swore I wouldnt ,wwww.twitter.com/robyn_pierce. Well, I'm off to watch My Sisters Keeper whilst I wait for A to come over so he can die of boredom on my bed.
Goodnight.

EDIT/
My Sisters Keeper is such a good movie, beyond good. Great even. I swear, I was practically crying throughout the movie.

apathy is seeping out of my pores.

Today was such a waste of a day. Well, I really did nothing but sleep away 3/4 of my day.If i could spend eternity under the covers,between the protection of my sheets,i would.Besides the constant sleeping, it was pretty much an uneventful day.I've been contemplating about what to wear for Halloween, french maid perhaps? :) I've still got a week to think anyways.Anyways I'm off to sleep,x.

Neck, chest, waist to floor. Easy to take, you can take me in.

Vnod's party yesterday was alright. It would've been a million times better if there was music and more liquor. The only music that was playing was coming from everyones car's and the liquor/beer was gone before you can say " Wasteedddddd''. But it kept me occupied for the night so.

Unfortunately today tho, I was feeling pretty off. Still am. I was getting dressed to leave for the mall, when I realized I've lost 50 bucks and my eyeliner @ Vnods party yest. As if I'm not broke as hell already.Oh, and did i mention my tongue is swollen and hurts like a bitch.It totally slipped my mind that I bit it right before I left for his party. So the low tars i took prolly made the wound much worst. I cant help but flinch now, everytime my tongue brushes againts my teeth when i try to speak.
I didnt enjoy my time at the mall either.There were plenty of interesting people there today, those i'd like to get to know.But I felt too off to embrace all the 'coolness' coming from everyone there today :( To add to the sucky feeling, morons kept hitting up my cell. S called to ask me where i was , because A was looking for me. At the time i really didn't want to see anyone i know . So i told SK not to tell A i was around. How dumb of me to think SK could actually keep his mouth shut even for 5 minutes. So for the next 10 minutes I was getting these q8yu gfogv 'faug'oddkhcabdcvb messages from A about how if i didn't want to see him, i shouldve just said so or about how im lying about being there alone, holy mother of god, why WONT YOU LEAVE ME BE?!

Do you know how frustrating it is, to be at the mall alone with a pair of hands hiding beneath your flesh just waiting to rip the fuck out of ure thoracic cavity when u get the chance to be alone?! YES THORACIC CAVITY. I WENT THERE.
Anyways, im off to go gallivanting with Amalina, you people have a good night :)
OH! and on a slightly brighter note, happy birthday Vinod and Emily yeo, love you both lots ! Emily, i'm so sorry i couldnt be at your party today. I got your text too late into the day, prolly my phone spazzing up but i promise i'll make it up to you.

What so simple in the moonlight,by the morning never is.

I can't keep throwing away everything good going for me. I can never just accept that for once something nice is happening and embrace it; I question, worry, doubt everything. Nothing's ever good enough, apparently.I've done this once, which left me crumbling like the spinless wreck i am, and I'm doing it again.Everything good I take as a threat, immediately picking it apart, searching for any type of flaw, until there's nothing good left to love. Selfish,sickening I know.

That's not who I am anymore. Which means I probably should end things with A as of now. Thing is, I'm not sure if i love him, or just his company. V mentioned, if i keep it going i'd prolly start to feel something more. What if I don't? The last thing I'd want to do is to hurt anyone. That's just not me. Why not play it safe and push him away ,now. I'm afraid of what The End will feel like.

Im so damn hungry. But food shouldnt even be on my mind @ this ungodly hour.

edit/
HOLYMOFO. I'M LOOSING IT. MY MOM WON'T GET OFF MY DICK, A WONT GET OFF MY DICK, EVERYONE WONT GET OFF MY DICK . I DONT EVEN HAVE A DICK.

you can't believe in no one, no one with working lungs or blood in their veins. the only true friend is a dead friend.

indifferently difficult.

Currently listening ; Basic Space by The XX
My leg's feel terrible! Job hunting today took alot out of me. Walking back and forth, from one end of the mall to the other in really painful shoes . As you know, J tagged along. V however, ahem bailed on us ,so I called up S and Y to join us. None of us ,immediately got the job on the spot but I'm pretty damn sure Y and J will get a callback. I, on the other hand dont think so. OH! I did get a job, as a waitress @ Just Thai,then got fired 5 minutes later. Bloody bastards. After telling me how glad they were that I applied, I get a call from the oh-so -close-to menopause manager after walking to the shop right next door , saying and I quote '' Robyn? I'm sorry but we no longer need a new waitress, so you don't have to come in this Saturday. Sorry for the inconvenience!'' Hah, I'm such a fail that I can't even hold a job for five minutes. I never eating there again, :). Ah, better luck tomorrow @ The Curve?
And it seems, no one sells blue hair dye . What a bummer.

I've been talking to A, and I'm starting to rethink things.We're barely together, and he's already complaining about the guys I talk to. This might not work out as well as i thought.Guy's make me want to pull my hair out

Adventure is just one mistake away.

My thoughts aren't comfortable anywhere at all,so i keep them safe inside my head.Where they rightfully belong.Wrapped in myself,I hide nothing and I have nothing to prove.No longer will i be angry,no longer will i be hopeless.No longer will I float by.

You're beautiful, and the world loves you. They just don't know it yet.

Things to do:
1. get a new get up
2. give a damn
3. get a job
4. finish things ive started
5. save money
7. learn something new
8. sleep for once
9. dye the ends of my hair blue so i can slap society in the face. TAKE THAT, SOCIETY!

Give him enough rope and he will hang himself.

Hello,hello world.

Sorry, I've neglected my blog for months due to the PMR exams but now I'm back ( not that anyone gives a shit anyways)! Because the exams are finally over,thank god. I've got so many places to go and people to see.I am going to miss the fun times @ the library .

Today tho, has been a pretty interesting day,for me. Exams officially ended at 10 am so I left for home to get ready to hit the mall. I promised S that I'd catch a movie and lunch with her so I did.Love love love you ,S. After the movie, A caught up with me ,wanting to catch another movie. As much as I didn't want to leave S, she insisted so what the hell. After she left, A and I bumped into a very unexpected couple,E & V . Boy did it get hilariously awkward. Anyways all of us end up watching the same movie,coincidentally. Watched, The Private Life of Pippa Lee and had absolutely no clue what the movie was about. It was hard to pay attention, when A's icy hands kept finding their way to mine. Yes ,big fucking deal.Maybe not to you but to someone who's as pure as a nun it was a pretty big deal.Don't get me wrong it felt lovely, but I'm prolly not used to it yet, or maybe I'm just terrified of the future. I dwell in the past far too often :\ Lovebirds E&V on the otherhand were also getting it on, as if I hadnt noticed,hah. Carrying on, after A left, E,V,and I left for The Curve to meet up with SQ and N. Called up J too, since he was feeling rather down. We had some dinner, walked around , went for some bowling and yeah. Too damn lazy to elaborate. Today was simple, but things will definitely get much ,much better.

Tomorrow tho, I'm meeting up with J and V @ One Utama to go buy some blue hair dye, pierce my ears,get some fresh clothing , find a job and hopefully get some new underwear . Till then, x.

Finding equilibrium in this godforsaken hell hole is impossible.

I think my body literally repels sleep now.
Woke up with what felt like a blistering headache,prolly from sun shine that was piercing through my windows and through my bones.
Its a saturday and i've got completely nothing to do,nothing I'm allowed to do.
Time to eat disgustingly and breathe a couple of low tars.

things change or they die;

i want to know if when I can't sleep,you cant sleep either and if the things running through my mind is racing through yours as well.


i've given up on so many people, i'm not sure if i know how to try anymore. giving up is all i know.

Happy independence day,Msia! to those who give a shit :]
This year sucked man,fireworks in the city and everywhere else was canceled due to the H1n1 virus.
It was funny how everyone was waiting for it ,and when it hit 12 am all they heard was one big BOOM,bummer.
Never the less Margarita's yesterday were not to bad.

The weather during the entire week of school was so lovely! I wish it didn't stop. I told my self everyday to get up early and bury my face in geo/history books but that was a bust . The partially grey sky, sound of rain and thunder resonating through my paper thin walls, and the icy cool air coming from the ac was just too nice not to sleep away to.
Anyways, trial examinations start tomorrow. Wish me alot of luck.
edit/
someone from somewhere once told me that every few years you've got to tear it all down. start over and completely destroy everything you've built, so that something different can take its place.Something better not of its own accord, but only in that the person you've become will love it more that what you currently have.

I'm so in need of a reinvention, so that's what I will do after my bloody examinations end.
God,its taking forever.

If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you.

PEOPLE WHO TRY TO SELL ME THEIR BULLSHIT LIKE YOU,CAN ROTT IN HELL LIKE FUCKING CHAMPIONS AND I COULDNT CARE LESS.

Trust no one.

My birthday was very, chilled. Besides the traditional dinner with family thing , I spent half my birthday alone @ TGIF. Friends were busy, and amalina couldn't make it . I don't blame them, exams are coming .So booze by myself.I kinda knew the bartender so tequila, rum,strawberry parfait and whatever i drank and ate was on the house. Thanks victor!I was actually planning to shop @ the street market with the extra cash I just received but whadya fuckin know, it rained cookies and cat piss.Anyways, I was just going to say thank you :) To those who wished me,and]to all of you for helping me keep my head over water,you know who you are. Especially sofea for her video and neverending wishes ( she did 'not' make me write this).I love love love love you guys.




I am glad that
my lungs are still working .
my heart is still pumping blood .
my mouth is still moving .
my lips can still form a smile .
my fingers are still tapping .
my hope is still somewhat alive .
my love is still infinite .
my world is still turning .
and my feet are still kicking .

Life's like an ocean.

A letter from my brain

Currently; Polite dance song by The bird and the bee
Hello,hello
I got my lip pierced last Sunday,haha.Amalina and Vinod brought me( thanks lovelies).For someone who's pain tolerance is practically a zero, it didnt hurt much when the needle went through. It hurt like a mofoing bitch for about only 5 seconds and went numb right after.The wound is pretty bad at the moment,because an ulcer has formed right on it,which inevitably caused an infection.My bottom lip is two times the actual size.Hopefully the swelling goes down soon.Anyways, people seem to like it, except afew who look at me with disgust now and is constantly asking me why I did it as if I was forced to. But i like it so everyone else can just go suck a fat one.Moms reaction? Ah, she was pretty livid forawhile. Threatening to rip the stud of my lip ,but all is well now.

Besides that, school's been alright. Audrey is still being a self centered ,selfish bitch . Its one thing to use me then blow me off for your psychotic boyfriend but when you start messing around with my other friends as if they were obligated to please you is another.If your boyfriend won't fuck you already, then thats just too bad. Don't go telling my friend that there is hope for something so you'd get to spend his money like water. Watch yourself before I blow.Plus she's been giving people advice on how to manage their relationships and such when she doesn't even know what she's saying sometimes. God, i hate people who think they know everything,even the sound of their voice irritates me .But hey, that shouldn't bother me.How does that or these people affect me or my intelligence or life experiences in any way?
I suppose its situations like these when you can rule out the people who give a shit and the people who don't.

This Sunday is my birthday, greeat. I'm not sure what I'll do besides dinner with the rents . Prolly go for some shots with Vinod or chill @ tgif with Amalina . TGIF is now my favorite place to take refuge @. The people at the bar are a bunch of awesome people.Some one please get me a Holga for my birthday, I'll love you long time.
Goodnight

Melancholy

I dreamnt of people whom I'd like to love.

Now I miss people who don't exist.